My Offended Heart.

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A few years ago, my pastor asked me for advice on how to teach about finding contentment with being single.  My response?  I laughed. That sort of laugh when you find yourself somewhere you never in a million years thought you’d be.  It had been a long journey to contentment in this area of my life.

You see, for my entire life, I have longed for a husband and family. Even though many would testify that I am a woman of strong and committed faith and have been for a long time, the truth is that I placed my pursuit of a husband much higher than my pursuit of God for many, many years.  To be quite honest, I hated and resented my single status, until about 3 years ago.

It was not uncommon for me to cry out the same prayer over and over again during the dark seasons of loneliness and depression that would pop up rather frequently. “Deliver me, Lord, because I can’t do this for one more day.

But one day, about 3 years ago, it was … different.  On that day, as I cried out that familiar plea, the Lord allowed me to see a woman crying out just as I did, as she looked at her husband.  She too cried, “Deliver me, Lord. Because I can’t do this for one more day.”

This old girl is rather stubborn and hard-headed, so I don’t have many “in that moment” transformational experiences that “stick”.   Usually, God has to knock me over the head several times before I really get it.  But not this time. In that one single moment, my entire paradigm changed … and my heart changed.  I could no longer view myself in a category that is “less than” my married friends.  I realized that I am not unique. We all feel lonely sometimes. We all feel envious or jealous or offended by what someone else has sometimes.  And we’re all in this together.

In that one single moment, the Lord transformed my offended heart.

I stopped being offended by those who had what I wanted and began to trust the One who knows exactly what I need. Instead of being so focused on scanning every room I walked into for men without a wedding ring, I am now able to be fully myself and fully present in the moments of my life in the way that God has designed.  And y’all… It’s SO much better this way.

It was the beginning of a freedom that I never knew that I didn’t know!  The freedom in finally realizing that my heart’s true and deepest yearning was for the Husband – “the One” – that I already have.  Jesus.

Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm… (Song of Solomon, 8:6)

And as a bride vows to her husband on her wedding day, I have finally learned to allow Him to be the husband that He always has been.  He’s a really, really good catch, and I fall more in love with Him every day.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  God did not change or take the desire from my heart for marriage.  Quite the contrary.  But He has changed the desire and moved it to a different – and its rightful – place.  With every ounce of who I am, I want Him more.  I can say with 100% honesty and enthusiasm that if God does not call me to marriage, then I am content and full. I used to say that because I knew it sounded like the “right answer”.  But now, I actually mean it.

I am so thankful that He heard and answered my prayer … “Lord, Deliver me. I can’t do this for one more day.” And that’s exactly what He did.

Are you struggling with an offended heart today?  I promise that if you will allow Him there and allow Him to breathe new life and new Truth into your heart, He will.

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